Skip to main content

The dichotomy between the need for independence and the need to be taken care of .

Recently, I really do not want a SO, I really just want a person to take care of me. Like call me to ask me if I am alright, text me to see that I am alive, understand me, pamper me. Hear me crib.  Pick me up, drop me. Really that is it. I don’t want anything else, Just concern. I feel I keep on taking care of other people, ensuring that they reached home safely or that they are emotionally alright, that they have eaten ot if they are ill then they are taking their medicines on time. I generally do not expect anything in return. But I am just so tired these days, plus I am so emotional. I really just want to be held tightly. I want someone to focus their entire existence on me but at the same time I do not want to be smothered which eventually ends up happening. I saw this guy going to pick up his daughter on the bus stand and I missed my dad or anyone like that who could come and pick me up.  I then talked to my dad in the  night and I felt so pissed at him asking me all these invasive question about why I work late and how I should come home early and then I realized that this was the concern I have craving for but when I get it I get annoyed. I want to be pampered and taken care of but at the same time I just want to be left alone and be independent. I am so confused and so conflicted about what I want from life. I think what that NGMA hottie old me true we just want to find ways to make ourselves miserable, humans are not in pursuit of happiness, they are in pursuit of misery. I wonder should I have taken his number or given him my correct number. 
I want someone to be insanely protective of me, to take care of me. I think the central theme of this entire piece is my insane need to be taken care of. I think I have romanticized this concept of being cared for way too much.  I mean think about it why else would someone else give up the independence she has been craving for since she was 9 and tie her wagon with someone else. I am pretty sure I have gone cuckoo and am having withdrawal symptoms from coffee yeah that  makes perfect sense, otherwise why would I regret not giving my number to that fuckboy. Yes, I am going to chalk this insanity to coffee withdrawal symptom. 

I could have been run over yesterday and no one would have realized for atleast six hour- 8 hours.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Restoring back faith in humanity one person at a time.

So what I was dreading finally happened, my friend and my crush finally got together. But as it turns out it is not that bad, I don't feel resentful or sad in fact I'm quite happy.  I have realized I didn't like him at all. I was just fascinated with him and that fascination got over as soon as I talked with him for some time. He is just as boring as everyone else. And on the top of that I'm really happy for her, I never knew I was such a good friend. See she had lived in Delhi for a very long time so as to cope up with the beasts there (yes that what they deserved to be called) she got into this shell, became something she was not. But with him she feels she is returning back to her old self. And she just seems so happy, I can't just simply resent her happiness and frankly I'm not that damaged(I still have faith in humanity), in fact I'm not damaged at all. My thick skin has protected me pretty well from the activities of these beasts. I feel people are c
Post a Comment
Read more

Not a Teenager anymore

Well, I think it is about time I revamp my blog. There are a cuple of reasons for this- to begin with I am not a teenager anymore I just turned 20 so the blog desperately needs a name change. Plus I started this blog when I was really young with really no clear motive in mind . Over the past two years it has become more like my online journal, but a very ill documented one at that. I become activee on it when I feel like and leave it at the drop of the hat. My lack of commitment to this blog is something which I am really ashamed off, I know I have no readership so I slack off more and thus begins the vicious cycle. I did not start this blog for the readership but then again I don't really remember why did I ever start it in the first place. I remember I always thought ( and still do) that I was a good writer  and ws capable of producing something that the world would be inerested in reading. But, now I do realize that though I am a good  writer but there are better writers out
Post a Comment
Read more

Need for validation

I have known it for quite some time that I have a very desperate need for validation and I can't tolerate criticism, there have been times when I have stopped talking to people or have manipulated public opinion to his determinant against a person who has dared to criticize me. I know I have a fault, I know that I am not really that good of an orator but I know one thing for sure that I have this friend to whom I have referred before as. " That annoying friend" and dude I know she is dumber than I am. I know it in my heart and my brain. She is just this extremely emotional creature who as acts like a child, is extremely uncompromising and a grave attention seeker. She is really slow can't understand criticism. But that is not what I am writing to you about, what really annoys me is that the fact that she does not work hard at all, she does not even complete her syllabus, does nothing, I know for a fact that she can't write or think crap and still ends up gettin
Post a Comment
Read more