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The dichotomy between the need for independence and the need to be taken care of .

Recently, I really do not want a SO, I really just want a person to take care of me. Like call me to ask me if I am alright, text me to see that I am alive, understand me, pamper me. Hear me crib.  Pick me up, drop me. Really that is it. I don’t want anything else, Just concern. I feel I keep on taking care of other people, ensuring that they reached home safely or that they are emotionally alright, that they have eaten ot if they are ill then they are taking their medicines on time. I generally do not expect anything in return. But I am just so tired these days, plus I am so emotional. I really just want to be held tightly. I want someone to focus their entire existence on me but at the same time I do not want to be smothered which eventually ends up happening. I saw this guy going to pick up his daughter on the bus stand and I missed my dad or anyone like that who could come and pick me up.  I then talked to my dad in the  night and I felt so pissed at him asking me all these invasive question about why I work late and how I should come home early and then I realized that this was the concern I have craving for but when I get it I get annoyed. I want to be pampered and taken care of but at the same time I just want to be left alone and be independent. I am so confused and so conflicted about what I want from life. I think what that NGMA hottie old me true we just want to find ways to make ourselves miserable, humans are not in pursuit of happiness, they are in pursuit of misery. I wonder should I have taken his number or given him my correct number. 
I want someone to be insanely protective of me, to take care of me. I think the central theme of this entire piece is my insane need to be taken care of. I think I have romanticized this concept of being cared for way too much.  I mean think about it why else would someone else give up the independence she has been craving for since she was 9 and tie her wagon with someone else. I am pretty sure I have gone cuckoo and am having withdrawal symptoms from coffee yeah that  makes perfect sense, otherwise why would I regret not giving my number to that fuckboy. Yes, I am going to chalk this insanity to coffee withdrawal symptom. 

I could have been run over yesterday and no one would have realized for atleast six hour- 8 hours.  

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