The Turning Point

 So lately, I have been consuming a shit ton of content, especially on Netflix and similar platforms. Long-form content, as well as short-form content like reels.  But that means that I am quicker to watch TV shows. And I recently watched the second season of Nobody Wants This. And why did everyone break up in the season finale- like literally all the couples in the show broke up. Also, what is up with Noah and Joanne, like why does the same thing happen in every season- they are together and then in the finale they break up and then run to each other.  Also, I saw a lot of posts about how their relationship is perfect. But again, they seem very weird to me. Like, I don't really see anything which makes them a "dreamboat"  couple. Even that bit is so templatized. Joanne acts childish; Morgan eggs her on, then she realises she is being silly and goes to Noah to say she wants to act like the 30-something adult she is.  Also, the Ester Sasha arc and break-up make n...

 Hello!  I know it has been a while since I wrote to you but I just remembered about you today. Since no one really reads it any way, I thought I would tell what is been on my mind. Cause I am tired, actually no just sugar crashing I guess and really can't think or work. Kaafi bore ho raha hai. Need to rest and sleep and just read. But club applications karne padh rahe hai. AHHH. I know it sounds to bleh, but I want to chill, I want to work as much as they did in two states. I don't want to study till 2 in the night and wake up at 5:30. I want to learn how to swim and go the gym daily. I want to write creatively, and produce research. Interact with people and party. I don't want to be in this constant pressure cycle 

It would not be incorrect say that past couple of months have been sucky at the best. Everyone around me is getting jobs, winning moots and scoring better marks than me. And I feel as if I am stuck. I feel I am not moving forward. I don't have a job or a prospect of a job. I am  doing terribly at my internals. I feel terrible, both mentally and physically. I can't empty my brain. Every time sit to work on my internals or externls my brain turns to my lack of prospects. I am trying everything, I think. I have dropped my standards and applying for like really random jobs on LinkedIn yet no response.  I can't concentrate on my work because of this Albatross around my neck. My externals start on the 22nd and I am so ill prepared. I swear it keeps on getting worse and worse. I am really tired I just want to be employed. I want to get a moot and do well in that moot. I want AP to call me and I want to be happy. I just want to be happy. I just want to know what did I do wrong, wh...

It is 21st April, already.  My first paper is on the 24th. After that I have continuous papers. I have bad marks in my internals. I don't know anything for my externals either. I have not done anything. I am slightly worried. The key word being slightly. Why I am only slightly worried. I should be more worried. I should be panicking, instead I just finished watching two episodes of Gilmore Girls. Before that as well I watched like two episodes yesterday. Why am I doing this to myself. I don't like this self-destructive path I have chosen for myself. Why am I doing this to myself. On one hand I make these plans that I would go to Oxford but on the other hand I am self-sabotaging myself. Why?? Why?? I am so screwed. I wish I had motivation, a drive. Something to push me study. I really, really, really just want to study. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Am I screwed or what. I am so so  so so screwed. I am so scared too; I really can't have my grades fall to a 3....

Sometimes I wonder if what I am doing right now is right. Am I wrong in my approach in handling the so called "drama" in my life. But I have always admitted that to a certain extent I am in the wrong. The only problem is the my being in the wrong is less wrong than the other parties wrong. 

Hey Blog, It has been a while what can I say it has been a rough and busy one year. A lot has happened and I don't intend to catch you up on what all has happened, atleast not today. But, today I am here to tell you about a new problem I am facing these days. I have always breezed through exams and assignments. But lately it has  gotten harder. For the past two semester my grades have been on a downward spiral. Additionally, I have not been able to concentrate and recently I got a 14 on an assignment, which is by the way way below average. Admittedly my paper last semester were not really that well but still my scores in some subjects were just abominable. I am really disappointed. Additionally,  after that I promised myself that I would do my best this semester but that is so not happening. I am trying but I have a feeling that my internals just don't come out nice. It is like I am unable to think. I feel DUMB. I have never felt that in my entire life. I have given up on m...