Skip to main content

Miracles

For as long as I could remember I always wanted to be special, I wanted to be unique, in the top two percent. I wanted brilliant, magical things to happen to me. I imagined how I would feel when it would happen. These brilliant magical things ranged from  getting into the best college to winning a moot to having a fairy tale romance. I kept on waiting for these things to happen and they did but never to me. Whenever it happened to anyone else, I would make myself a victim and blame others or tear down that other person. This created a viscous cycle of negativity which kept on making me more and more depressed. I was scared to accept the fact that maybe I am average or normal.
It took me 20 years to realize that I don't have to be special. I can be normal, live a normal  yet successful & fulfilling life and be happy. I chose to make myself miserable. Maybe I don't deserve what I want, maybe I will get something better or maybe what I want is not what I need. These may sound like platitudes but they are eternal formulas to live by. After putting myself through a lot of misery I realized that all I wanted was to be happy. Maybe getting into a good college might make me happy, or getting a good internship or maybe even winning a moot. But, they are ephemeral, they would only provide me momentary happiness and it would pass in a week. Until, I get a new internal to obsess over, or maybe I get another rejection letter from my next internship. True happiness came from within, I had to stop making my present miserable over the promise of a better tomorrow, because when time comes to enjoy that tomorrow, it would become today. I know it makes no sense- but consider this- all my High School I fretted over the fact that I HAVE to get into a good college to get a good job to be successful to be happy. I stopped living in the present, I did not enjoy my school years, I just kept on going. I did the same the first three years of college. I don't know what has changed, maybe I finally found the miracle I have been waiting my entire life. I know that the secret to my happiness is now. I would never ever be twenty again. I would never ever live 31st December 201 6 again. I will never have this dinner with my family or this conversation with my sister or this moment with myself ever again. I would still want and work for a good career but I would not assume that it would magically change my life and make me thinner, popular and happier. As it turns out I already had a pretty great life, I just never took the time to live it. Now, I promise I would

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Restoring back faith in humanity one person at a time.

So what I was dreading finally happened, my friend and my crush finally got together. But as it turns out it is not that bad, I don't feel resentful or sad in fact I'm quite happy.  I have realized I didn't like him at all. I was just fascinated with him and that fascination got over as soon as I talked with him for some time. He is just as boring as everyone else. And on the top of that I'm really happy for her, I never knew I was such a good friend. See she had lived in Delhi for a very long time so as to cope up with the beasts there (yes that what they deserved to be called) she got into this shell, became something she was not. But with him she feels she is returning back to her old self. And she just seems so happy, I can't just simply resent her happiness and frankly I'm not that damaged(I still have faith in humanity), in fact I'm not damaged at all. My thick skin has protected me pretty well from the activities of these beasts. I feel people are c
Post a Comment
Read more

Not a Teenager anymore

Well, I think it is about time I revamp my blog. There are a cuple of reasons for this- to begin with I am not a teenager anymore I just turned 20 so the blog desperately needs a name change. Plus I started this blog when I was really young with really no clear motive in mind . Over the past two years it has become more like my online journal, but a very ill documented one at that. I become activee on it when I feel like and leave it at the drop of the hat. My lack of commitment to this blog is something which I am really ashamed off, I know I have no readership so I slack off more and thus begins the vicious cycle. I did not start this blog for the readership but then again I don't really remember why did I ever start it in the first place. I remember I always thought ( and still do) that I was a good writer  and ws capable of producing something that the world would be inerested in reading. But, now I do realize that though I am a good  writer but there are better writers out
Post a Comment
Read more

Need for validation

I have known it for quite some time that I have a very desperate need for validation and I can't tolerate criticism, there have been times when I have stopped talking to people or have manipulated public opinion to his determinant against a person who has dared to criticize me. I know I have a fault, I know that I am not really that good of an orator but I know one thing for sure that I have this friend to whom I have referred before as. " That annoying friend" and dude I know she is dumber than I am. I know it in my heart and my brain. She is just this extremely emotional creature who as acts like a child, is extremely uncompromising and a grave attention seeker. She is really slow can't understand criticism. But that is not what I am writing to you about, what really annoys me is that the fact that she does not work hard at all, she does not even complete her syllabus, does nothing, I know for a fact that she can't write or think crap and still ends up gettin
Post a Comment
Read more