The Turning Point

So as the title aptly suggests, in this post I am going to bitch about a really close friend, and this might sound (for the lack of better word) bitchy to many, but she has vexed me to such an extent that I become irritated and annoyed at the mere sight of her. And the worst part is she has done absolutely nothing to me personally. It is just how she is, I mean there is an extent to which you can tolerate rudeness and sexual innuendoes, and the thing is I am up for it I can take a joke but I find it extremely maddening when the other person can't take a joke when it is made upon them. Also another thing which I already mentioned was the rudeness, now I mirror people subconsciously, so the way people talk to me I talk to them, so she is extremely rude to everyone and that's how she is and it is fine, she has admitted it many times herself and the annoying part is if you talk to her in the tone she talks to you she becomes defensive and argumentative. Also all the tim...

I love the wind blowing though my hair, and the smell of wet earth, the silence of a Sunday morning and sharing a coke with a friend. I hate when people take me for granted and when close friends fight, when rains hits on a steel roof and when trees are cut and replaced with concrete.

Lately I feel I am taking myself for granted, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, I am suppressing them or rather hiding them so that others don't feel bad or get hurt, but what about me? What about my feeling? Does anybody care if I get hurt? No. I feel people are taking me for granted and I feel I know why because I am taking myself for granted, being the emotional anchor for others has drained me so much that I need a emotional anchor for myself, but people don't get that. I have become so entangled in others problems that I feel I think more about them than myself, I spend more time pulling them out of trouble than with myself. I have to start devoting time for myself, for my projects, for my entertainment. If people want to fight let them fight, if they want to do skip internals let them do it. I have to learn to let go and stand for myself, if people are doing something which makes me feel uncomfortable I have to learn to refuse. How can I be true to myself when I...

I just had a emotional meltdown, though I am sure whether I could actually be termed as a emotional since it had absolutely nothing to do with well emotions, so why did I have it, I think analyzing it logically would help me overcome it. So, I think it was because I am overthink a lot of things and am taking things very seriously. I guess the main reason is I have this submission on 14th, which I have not even started now, normally it should not matter, but this is a subject I am not good at and have already messed my first internal, so I can't afford to mess up another one, also last semester was my first semester and hence I was bit easy on myself and took things pretty lightly, on the top of it I was not able to give a 100% in my exams, but this sem I really need to pull up my socks and start working, I can't afford to have another bad semester on my CV, just can't. But I feel that, that ship has already sailed, as I have already messed up first...

Okay yesterday we had the first rain of the year. The rains started late in the  evening, in the morning the sky was clear and blue and the weather was beautiful and windy, the kind which makes you want to stand with your arms open and hope that the wind just takes you along with it . So the rain was the perfect end to a perfect day. But the reason this rain was so special for me was because this was the first time I enjoyed the rain in the true sense of it or rather in a new way than usual. Back at home when it started raining I would sit on a comfortable bean bag in my balcony with something warm and read a favourite book, but yesterday and moreover today I experienced rain on a more personal level and I would say these were moments of divine discovery. Yesterday I was out with friends and today I went on a long walk with myself and I must say it was the later experience which I enjoyed more. Things which I have learnt about myself in these two days- I love long solitary w...

I'm not known to be a social butterfly, but I'm not anti social as well, but today I feel especially anti- social, I'm not angry, annoyed, frustrated, irritated or plain tried but I just feel off and don't feel like being around people. I can't feel a thing, I feel numb. I feel so emotionally drained that my emotion center has just refused to work anymore, it has given up, I feel like a humanoid. People tell me a happy news and I can't even manage a convincing fake smile. And as a result I have bruised some egos and definitely pissed some people off today, but I'll deal with those tomorrow when I'm more capable of dealing with ...humans. Tonight its gonna be me and my rock.

Just how I feel right now-