The Turning Point

I know my past few post have been extremely sad & depressing, and expressed a very sorry state of mind. To tell the truth I was indeed a very depressed for the past one week, the past month has been a very hard on me, I have been exhausted to the core, I am always tired and because of this I have started neglecting things that actually matter to me and I have become so lazy. But now this going to change, my situation in life is not much improved, all that has plagued me this past month is still plaguing me today, but today on the 69th Independence day of my country I make a promise to free myself from this sadness, if I think I am tired I would feel tired and subsequently exhausted and burned out. I am going to be happy and positive no matter how bad things turn out to be. I would put end to this melancholy. PS- This would also mean that from now on my post would be more upbeat or at least less whiny.

These days I feel I am cursed. I have a touch which is opposite that of Midas touch, everything I touch turns bad and rotten. Usually my bad luck just affected me but I think now I have started cursing others as well. I feel so guilty cause my stupidity and negligence someone who did nothing wrong, who worked her ass off has to suffer. Yesterday I wrote about how results somehow seem to elude me but now I feel how the person who had no fault of her own must feel. A person has to suffer see her three weeks of hard work go down the drain just cause of my carelessness and stupidity. I feel I am truly cursed and I feel I am cursing others and I don't know what to do.  

It has been a month into the third semester and I am so exhausted and so lost that I don't know what to do anymore. I work so hard, I try so much yet I don't get any results. I had this moot thing for which I worked my ass off and I got disqualified, I mean people who did absolutely nothing got ranks and I got disqualified. Plus because of this I have already messed up two of my internals and am on the way to mess up my third one. I have this internal tomorrow for which I have studied not even a single bit and I feel I am so going to mess it up, plus it is a subject about which I don't know squat. I know this is going to sound extremely silly and melodramatic, but I feel everything bad just happens to me I feel I just have the worst luck in the world. I just can't think of one good thing that has ever happened to me. Why do things never turn out the way I want them to? I mean the things that I want the most I just don't ever get them. I wanted to study i

It has been a month since I have been back in Pune and I don't know how that month has passed. It has all been internship, moot, assignments and more assignments. I have not slept for more than 4 hours in the past three weeks and today I feel enough is enough. I frankly can't take it anymore, I need sleep, I need leisure time, I need a break, and it has just been a month, I have like 3 more left and now I feel like I can't do this any more. I have legitimately had like actual moments where I have  wanted to leave all this and go and join like a writing school, I was even checked a couple of colleges. But I always stop short, I don't know why? May be I am too afraid or too complacent or I just think too much about it. Plus on top of it I feel so incomplete these days, I feel as if I am  doing everything in such a mechanic manner, I feel as if my life has no purpose. I have no clue what would I do after this course gets over. I have never felt so lost, so comp