It is 21st April, already. My first paper is on the 24th. After that I have continuous papers. I have bad marks in my internals. I don't know anything for my externals either. I have not done anything. I am slightly worried. The key word being slightly. Why I am only slightly worried. I should be more worried. I should be panicking, instead I just finished watching two episodes of Gilmore Girls. Before that as well I watched like two episodes yesterday. Why am I doing this to myself. I don't like this self-destructive path I have chosen for myself. Why am I doing this to myself. On one hand I make these plans that I would go to Oxford but on the other hand I am self-sabotaging myself. Why?? Why?? I am so screwed. I wish I had motivation, a drive. Something to push me study. I really, really, really just want to study. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Am I screwed or what. I am so so so so screwed. I am so scared too; I really can't have my grades fall to a 3.